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| » Forum Index » Viper Talk » Topic: Inhuman terror at the barber shop |
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Posted on 03/09/09 1:00:36 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply  |
Inhuman terror at the barber shop
For those of you who may be wondering, I look like an upside down mop. I need a haircut and I need it bad. Due to the recent overtime I've been pulling I have had to let my personal grooming slide somewhat in that area. So finally, a weekend off. Yay me! I do what any sensible person would do and head straight to the hair place as early as possible to beat the rush. If only I'd slept at the doorstep over night, because you see, I was too late. There is a force on this earth that makes the angels tremble and even the demons of hell give them a wide berth. That force is none other than ... The Silver Horde! Have you ever been to the dentist, and your lying there with a total stranger sticking arcane so-called medical instruments in your mouth while you helplessly lay their under their control? Have you heard the grinding of the drill and smelt the acrid smoke rising from your own mouth, and then heard something that just isn't right? Have you then felt the numb tugging upon said instrument as the dentist tries to get it unstuck? Have you heard the dentist comment to his attendant, "heh, guess I probably shouldn't have done that"? Have you viewed the photo art collection in your local gallary where the photographer carefully coriagraphed the still images of a defeated battle scene. Where you have soldiers laying in shock and disbelief at their own dismemberment and injury? That was me. So I arrive at the hair place at around 8:25 am and I'm told the wait is about 20 minutes. I make the mistaken assumption that the stylist giving me this information actually knows what she's talking about. As I look around I realize that I have entered a domain that no man should have to endure. I was in Granny land! Yes, thats right, I found myself in the midst of the silver haired horde in full rampage. There was colorings and perms as far as they eye could see. Tentatively, I sat on the outskirts, hoping beyond hope that I might remain unnoticed. If only they had slain me then. But no. They were talking. The conversation I endured goes beyond human reason. There is no comparison to the torture that fell upon my ears. Talk of crotchet and husbands and charities and knitting and children and Dr's and ailments. All competing for dominance. One asked "What thread do you use?" Which was answered "I use a 10" To which the person answered "I use a thirty." Now I have no idea what they were saying here, but it was quite clear that they did and that it was quite meaningful. She then proceeded to gloat that she had made over 40 table cloths that had ALL sold at the craft show. At this point, it is 9:15 am. For 50 long hellish minutes I have been bombarded with these demented exchanges. My mind is now a puddle of goo, seeping from my eyes and ears. I take whats left of my humanity and stagger out the door, knowing that I am forever a damaged man. _________________ Hoist the Jolly Roger Maties! I see traders dead ahead... |
Posted on 03/09/09 3:42:22 PM |
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Strat
Commander [VPR] Posts: 3964 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
I refuse to be amused by this impersonal facsimile. I feel like we're getting the sloppy seconds of your trolling. You used to put personal attention into the barrage of nonsense you would spew here. It's just not special now that you whore yourself out to every forum on the block. TGFT. CLM. Who's next? EMS? ONE? PA? I feel cheap, Retractile. Cheap. I can't even look at you. /me goes to stay with his mother for a while, and takes the kids too. |
Posted on 03/09/09 5:16:06 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Wow Strat. I never knew you felt so strongly about my trolling. I am so so sorry. I just thought I'd share my story with all of my VO friends that I hang out with. Wow. I never meant to hurt you or VPR in any way. You guys are my best friends! I have to post to CLM because they are my guild. But I swear to you on this invoices that I will keep my interactions with CLM purely business. As for TGFT, my relationship with them is very new. I will make every effort to avoid spewing my nonsense onto their forums. But I have to warn you, I am a very desirable commodity. I don't know how they'll take me backing off and not giving them the full Uncle treatment. Wow. I am so so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, and I swear, it will never happen again. _________________ Yar - har - fiddle-dee-dee, If you love to sail the sea, you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/09/09 6:09:00 PM |
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Cat
Member [VPR] Posts: 281 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
I have been sitting with Strat for more than five hours now, drinking an immense amount of tea while listening to his complaints about how much you have let him down! I know Strat likes to portray himself as a person with diamond hard surface and a carbide centre but in reality he has a centre that is soft and sweet. And you have hurt him you trader/pirate you. If you only have eyes for your own amusement and want to keep hurting Strat like that I suggest you join THC or some other mindless guild. Know that disciplinary actions has been asked for by your guild mates. Shame on you, shame! At least one week of helping traders in grey before Strat is going to talk to you again! That aside, LOL!! >:) >:) |
Posted on 03/10/09 01:20:50 AM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
So what your saying is Strat nougat? _________________ Hoist the Jolly Roger Maties! I see traders dead ahead... |
Posted on 03/10/09 08:34:49 AM |
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Sembei
Former Member Posts: 224 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Looks like I went on vacation at the right time. (hooray ireland! :P) |
Posted on 03/10/09 2:58:40 PM |
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Strat
Commander [VPR] Posts: 3964 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Heh. This time last year I was on vacation in Southern California. My spring break this year consists of working, snow, rain, and trying to deal with Retractile. |
Posted on 03/10/09 4:58:42 PM |
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Azumi!
Pirate Posts: 89 Reply  |
Uncle's Playground
better you than me! I believe that Uncle posted it here for me since I am not on CLM webby anymore. Which is why you should change the forum name to Uncle's Playground Keep going Uncle _________________ Azumi, pirating in Hello Kitty style since '07 |
Posted on 03/10/09 6:26:15 PM |
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Sembei
Former Member Posts: 224 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Ireland is awesome. Strat, I meant to write back to you before I left but packing got in the way -- I will be heading back to the US on Sunday the 15th and will try and poke you then if I'm not running around getting ready for classes (which start up again the day after we get back >.< ). |
Posted on 03/10/09 6:36:59 PM |
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Strat
Commander [VPR] Posts: 3964 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Okay. Glad to hear you're having a good time, and I don't even have to tell you that I'm very jealous. We can talk when you get back. Enjoy the rest of your trip. |
Posted on 03/10/09 6:41:22 PM |
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Ishathis Bessuni
Lieutenant & Council [VPR] Posts: 956 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Ireland is awesome, isn't it? I only spent a day there, but I'm hoping for more in the future. |
Posted on 03/11/09 09:26:59 AM |
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Sembei
Former Member Posts: 224 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
I'm not much of a drinker, but I've only been here two days and already had two pints of Guinness, a pint of Porterhouse Red, two shots of Bailey's (on the rocks of course, it's weird warm) and a glass of wine on the plane over. I did note where my limit on an empty stomach was, so that's definitely a good thing to know. :P (For the record, it's a pint of Guinness and a shot of Bailey's.) |
Posted on 03/11/09 2:02:52 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Uncle's Playground
I spent a month in Australia a few years ago when I met my wife. Absolutely fantastic. Gorgeous beaches and rainforests. And the way the women say 'hello'! Let me tell you I was falling in love every five minutes ;) I've always wanted to see Ireland. I've told my wife that if I ever meet a hot tempered, red headed Irish Gal, that she was history! >:) _________________ Yar - har - fiddle-dee-dee, If you love to sail the sea, you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/11/09 2:43:04 PM |
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MDuncan
Council [VPR] Posts: 2900 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
haha and I bet your wife slapped you in the face as often. hahahaha :laugh: _________________ M. Duncan Commander 10/13/13/13/12 m.duncan@viperguild.com |
Posted on 03/11/09 4:26:18 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
You have no idea..... _________________ Hoist the Jolly Roger Maties! I see traders dead ahead... |
Posted on 03/11/09 11:06:33 PM |
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Sembei
Former Member Posts: 224 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Good thing I only meet two of those criteria, it'd be rather sad for his wife to get dumped for nothing. (But entirely hilarious for the results to him.) (Adding two glasses of wine to the count, one merlot and one sauvignon blanc. We head to Galway tomorrow and will be stopping at a whiskey distillery on the way.) |
Posted on 03/12/09 00:18:46 AM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Sorry love. You had your chance with all of 'this'. I've moved on :P _________________ Yar - har - fiddle-dee-dee, If you love to sail the sea, you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/12/09 08:36:57 AM |
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Sembei
Former Member Posts: 224 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Really? Good to hear, though I suspect you're lying, as usual. Ironic that someone would tell me now of all times that you might have information I'm looking for. |
Posted on 03/12/09 10:50:19 AM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
/me knows nuthink! _________________ Yah - har - fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right with me! Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate! Arr - yarr - ahoy and avast dinky-dink-dink - a - dinkadefast! * Hang the black flag at the end of the mast! you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/12/09 12:59:34 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Do I detect a hint of regret in your voice? _________________ Yah - har - fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right with me! Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate! Arr - yarr - ahoy and avast dinky-dink-dink - a - dinkadefast! * Hang the black flag at the end of the mast! you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/12/09 9:32:06 PM |
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Niut'Likatisin
Senior Member [VPR] Posts: 498 Reply  |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
What happened to the cat pirate Ret? now it just looks like a photoshopped cat with no hair...... -Niut |
Posted on 03/12/09 10:08:20 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Trying to mix it up a bit. Figured I'd periodically change the av. _________________ Yah - har - fiddle-dee-dee, being a pirate is all right with me! Do what you want 'cause a pirate is free, you are a pirate! Arr - yarr - ahoy and avast dinky-dink-dink - a - dinkadefast! * Hang the black flag at the end of the mast! you are a pirate! |
Posted on 03/15/09 3:26:15 PM |
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Retractile
Pirate Posts: 323 Reply |
Re: Inhuman terror at the barber shop
Just to update everyone who have demonstrated such wonderful concern and support during my period of mopheadedness, today I have successfully achieved a much needed trim. Luckily I completely avoided any further sign of the Grey Horde. And for the sake of Strat- and the kids, this update has only been posted to VPR. * Retractile is proud of himself _________________ Hoist the Jolly Roger Maties! I see traders dead ahead... |